20/08-2008
life just isnt enough. there's never enough. and oh yea humans are dumb.
im probably gonna repeat that humans are dumb many many many more times in the future too. because im a stupid one also.
sometimes it just takes something serious or drastic for one to realise the importance of some things around us. ive actually been meaning to visit my uncle just to talk to him and learn from him because he's such a cool guy. but its fucking too late.
life just isnt fair la. its dumb that way. all those cliche's about telling the loved ones how you feel and letting them know you care, yea yea we know we know. but do we really? i think i really gotta think hard about that. how well do i really know my own father? what if something were to happen to him in the near future? after living for 20 years, i don't think i can talk about him for even more than a few days.
my uncle is an awesome guy, i cant say was yet. he worked so hard to support his family driving a cab, and yet whenever we met on chinese new year or whatever he always seemed to be the life of the party, especially to me too. it kinda really hurts to see him hurt so much in his sleep while calling out in pain even under sedatives.
.......modern healthcare and medicine huh. i dont even know if that's a good thing anymore. if my time is up, just let me go? yea. that's a selfish thought. i just wanna let go and die and leave the people around me behind. but arent they selfish for wanting me to stay a little longer while im in pain? thoughts thoughts thoughts. even just typing these words out feel so fake. i'll probably return to my normal lifestyle after half a year or a year. all i can nhope for is to remind myself that i once thought this way.
right now all i can hope for is that my cousin and aunty can get through this tough time and come out stronger, and i'll be there for as much as i can to give them the due support that family should give.
im probably gonna repeat that humans are dumb many many many more times in the future too. because im a stupid one also.
sometimes it just takes something serious or drastic for one to realise the importance of some things around us. ive actually been meaning to visit my uncle just to talk to him and learn from him because he's such a cool guy. but its fucking too late.
life just isnt fair la. its dumb that way. all those cliche's about telling the loved ones how you feel and letting them know you care, yea yea we know we know. but do we really? i think i really gotta think hard about that. how well do i really know my own father? what if something were to happen to him in the near future? after living for 20 years, i don't think i can talk about him for even more than a few days.
my uncle is an awesome guy, i cant say was yet. he worked so hard to support his family driving a cab, and yet whenever we met on chinese new year or whatever he always seemed to be the life of the party, especially to me too. it kinda really hurts to see him hurt so much in his sleep while calling out in pain even under sedatives.
.......modern healthcare and medicine huh. i dont even know if that's a good thing anymore. if my time is up, just let me go? yea. that's a selfish thought. i just wanna let go and die and leave the people around me behind. but arent they selfish for wanting me to stay a little longer while im in pain? thoughts thoughts thoughts. even just typing these words out feel so fake. i'll probably return to my normal lifestyle after half a year or a year. all i can nhope for is to remind myself that i once thought this way.
right now all i can hope for is that my cousin and aunty can get through this tough time and come out stronger, and i'll be there for as much as i can to give them the due support that family should give.
posted by Garrick at 9:11 PM
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